


No, You Don't

by thomastairparis



Category: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Domestic, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Kinda, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Married Couple, One Shot, Rejection, soft herondaisy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:41:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29535606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thomastairparis/pseuds/thomastairparis
Summary: James and Cordelia are settling into married life quite nicely, though they soon realize they hold complicated feelings for one another
Relationships: Cordelia Carstairs/James Herondale
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	No, You Don't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heronxdaisy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heronxdaisy/gifts).



> i started this so long ago and just finished now, but i kinda really love this so...

James was reluctant to leave the warm, albeit cooling, comforts of the bath water. His dark hair dripped onto his cheekbones and he blindly -- his eyes kept closed -- pushed the wet locks back. His hair was growing much too long, so long that Matthew had started commenting about it every time he came to visit, but haircuts always were such a fuss. 

James sighed, sitting up, the water sloshing against the porcelain of the tub. He stood, quickly drying off his relaxed body and dressing in well worn trousers and a fairly loose shirt, for it was a saturday evening and he had nothing more to do today James adjusted his braces as he made his way to the drawing room -- the mundane servants Will had hired for them would empty the tub. 

Cordelia was curled up in the armchair by the fireplace, her dark red hair down and spilling down her shoulders. The flames casted shadows on her brown skin, the snowy February sky a perfect backdrop. She was dressed in a white tea gown, a soft quilt draped over her lap and a Persian book in her hands. She looked up as James entered the room and his breath caught, as it always did when their eyes met. “How was your bath?”

“So lovely I almost could not bear to leave.” He sat across from her, on the loveseat. “I almost regret not staying in a little longer, but there are far too many books to wholly read in one sitting to spend all one’s time in the bath.”

Cordelia looked amused, which had been exactly the response James was looking for. She shook her head, a smile playing at her lips. “You seem so happy lately, I’m glad.”

James had noticed his own contentedness as well. He had finally given Grace back her bracelet, his last tie to her, and everything had been much sharper since. “I  _ have _ been happier as of late. I guess the stress of the summer has finally worn off.”

Cordelia’s smile turned soft. “Good. I suppose I feel the same way.”

Things had been rather nice recently between James and Cordelia themselves. Their marriage had been tense at first, especially in the days immediately after they had consummated the marriage, though now they had both settled into married life quite nicely. It had taken James a bit though, to get used to the soft, unexpected intimacies of it all. Intimacies such as sleeping in the same bed as Daisy or coming home to one another after a tiring round of patrols and tracing iratzes on the other’s skin. Such as hearing Cordelia hum subconsciously under her breath in the mornings as she waited for her tea to warm up, or watching her move with the grace of the warrior she was as she merely completed everyday, mundane tasks. 

Maybe James had been settling in to being her husband too well, for he knew he would be horribly dumbfounded when the reality of the sham that was their marriage and the shock of their divorce arrangement truly kicked in. He could not bear the thought of her leaving him, not when he was sure he was falling in love with his Daisy…

Or perhaps the irony of it all, of him falling hopelessly in love with his wife who he had promised to leave, was what he deserved. After all, James thought bitterly, he was the one who had brought Cordelia into this whole mess. 

But for now he could award himself the pleasure of standing by her side, of feeling the warm embers from a fire that was sure to burn much too bright. It wasn’t as if he had much of a choice.

~~~

James looked thoughtful. He was chewing at his bottom lip so hard his dimple carved it’s way into his cheek from the intensity of his expression. His golden eyes were staring into the hearth and the flames were mirrored in the lovely bronze colour. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Cordelia asked softly, a part of her not wanting to interrupt whatever he was thinking about. She absently ran her hand lightly over the quilt on her lap, smoothing it down. 

James blinked quickly twice, looking at her with a dazed expression. Now that his eyes were trained on her, the golden flames they casted made her heart ache dully. His cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink. He leaned forward, bracing his forearms on his thighs and clasping his scarred hands together. “I was thinking about how easy it has been to settle into all of this, as your husband.” 

Cordelia noted how his voice caught slightly on the last word and felt a wave of guilt overcome her. After all, she was at fault for James feeling obliged to marry her. If anyone deserved to marry for love, it was James, for he was one of the most kindhearted people Cordelia had ever known.

James continued, his voice low. “I hope that you do not find it entirely despicable to be my wife, either.” A lighthearted grin spread across his face and while he was sitting there with his shirtsleeves rolled up, the soft firelight illuminating his pale skin and golden eyes, how beautiful James truly was struck Cordelia for the thousandth time, stealing away her breath. 

She could only shake her head and say, ever so softly, “It’s far from despicable, Jamie.”

The two of them held eye contact for a long moment and Cordelia felt the urge to shiver, though she was too close to the fireplace to be cold. She looked away, ending the moment, and turned her gaze to the fire next to her. 

James was the one to break the suddenly tense silence. “I’m glad.”

Cordelia nodded, clasping her hands together. The cold, metallic press of her wedding ring against the rest of her bare fingers was impossible to ignore, but she forced herself to do so anyways. She could not risk getting used to it’s weight on her hand. “As am I.”

James asked softly, “I am getting a bit chilly. Do you mind sharing your blanket?”

Cordelia shook her head, feeling the softest flutter in her heart. “I don’t mind at all.”

She closed her book and set it aside, bundling up the blanket in her lap and striding across the room towards him. James gave her a small, grateful smile that made his face softly light up in the most lovely way. He shifted to one end of the love seat and she sunk down next to him. James took an end of the blanket and spread it across both of their laps. 

Cordelia felt the warmth of James’s arm pressing against hers and she involuntarily leaned against it. “This is nice,” she admitted quietly.

James nodded, his voice rough with what sounded like exhaustion. “Yeah, it is.” 

He had cut off, though it sounded almost as if he wanted to say more. Or perhaps it was just how much she wished to say more meddling with her thoughts. Cordelia looked over at him. “James?”

“Mm?” he hummed in response, running his hand through his unruly black hair. It was still damp, the moisture leaking through the collar of his shirt. 

She wanted to say it with her entire being. She yearned to speak the words aloud, but she refrained; she held her tongue, looking down at her folded hands. “It is nothing.”

James lightly bumped his shoulder against hers. “Daisy, anything you wish to say cannot possibly be ‘nothing.’”

By the angel...

Cordelia’s heart threatened to implode at the lovely soft manner in which he spoke his words. It made her all the more tempted to confess her feelings, despite the effect it could have on their marriage, a marriage he was lovely and honourable enough to go through with. “I could not bear it if I spoke my thoughts to you and you began to treat me differently.”

It was truthful, more truthful than Cordelia would have liked. 

James responded softly, “My Daisy, nothing you could ever say would cause me to think less of you.”

Cordelia sighed. “James…”

He continued, “if there is something you’d like to tell me, I promise it cannot be as bad as you seem to think.”

She looked over at him, staring at him for a long moment. “You must trust that I cannot tell you and that it is better for everyone if it remains a secret.”

James’s golden eyes flickered away from hers and towards the depths of the hearth. “Then I have something I must confess to you.”

Cordelia unfolded her hands, lightly touching his shoulder. “What is it, James?”

“Daisy...I love you.”

They were the words she had dreamt of him saying ever since she was a young child. The words her heart had yearned to hear. And yet…

“No, you don’t.”

James frowned, his brows furrowing. “Excuse me?”

Cordelia stood, needing to walk away from him, to escape the warmth of his arm where it had been pressed against hers. She turned to face him. “You do not love me, James. You can’t.”

“What are you saying, Daisy?” James stood, the blanket falling from his lap in a heap on the floor. 

“It’s Cordelia.” She raised her chin, looking him fiercely in the eye. “And I am saying the same thing you and Lucie both are constantly repeating. Herondales love but once.”

James opened his mouth to speak, but she held up her hand, cutting him off, “and you love Grace, so you  _ cannot _ love me.”

James ran his hand through his hair. “That is only a story, Da-” he cut himself off, sighing. “Cordelia. It is not real.”

Cordelia studied his beautiful face, anguish tearing at her heart. “Isn’t it?”

James didn’t respond, his expression masking itself. Cordelia wiped under her eyes, breathing shakily. “I must retire to bed. We will sleep in separate rooms. Goodnight,” she finished sharply, but not even her voice could compare to the sharpness of the pain in her heart.

Cordelia retreated to her bedroom, as tears spilled from her eyes. The next morning, she would insist on a divorce. She would put an end to this ruse much earlier than planned. And she would loves James, marriage or not, knowing he could never love her.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i hope you enjoyed reading this. if you want to leave kudos or comments theyre always appreciated


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